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 You know the one thing I have learned by being an observer of all that is around....You learn a few things about the people around you , ones you know and ones whom you had never met.Their actions and how they interact with one another really do teach you about the kingdom of God! Whether or not you want to admit it or not.It is true. I found so many truths to life by just standing off in the distance just to see what would be showed to me.Some times you wished you never knew some things , but later it all comes in quite handy in realizing the truth.We must be most honest with our selfs and who we are, before the world can see how we are.As I sat back and watched the other's live , I began to relize how I wasn't living but merely absorbing knowledge of life and not interacting with them , I seemed to sever myself from there world in order to protect my world.I would smile as we greet one another looking at them trying to anialize who they are, where do they stand, what do they beleive and why they beleived,they way they did.I'm constantly trying to figure out how did they get were they are?How do they just comunicate whith empty words?People say I'll pray for or them....but is a prayer a prayer if indeed it did not come from there heart mind and soul?I often just listen to them,and many times I have gained much knowledge and they had no idea how in-depth the conversation really was.I mean take for instance your in church the Pastor begins to pray,but some how you don't always hear the prayer that is being said....You know what I mean,your thoughts and prayer can tend to over ride the prayers being said.(because why?Your heart wasnt there,)Go on its ok to be honest with our selfs I'm sitting here writting you my truths,I have seen ,felt and whitnessed it.It doesnt mean you are not holy or not of God.It just means Your passions and heart had issues to resolve.Once we become more honest with our self's. Our hearts would grow with compassion the need for righeousness,Read the Bible it's all in there doubt ,fear,anger,selfishness and feelings of longning for death.If what I said wasn't true why then would we find our's in the possitions we do?Self examine your self daily you will learn a whole lot about your self you never even knew.Really!Just think if we are half as holy as we think we are, we be out there!! "Repent the kingdom of God is near!" But do I ? NO! DO YOU? I DON"T KNOW IF YOU DO!IF YOU DO (AMEN) I'm just saying to the rest of the world hey you are who are and Jesus loves you just the same! He wants us to see every thing and not give the impression that we are holy-er then now! No one would be able to come to Jesus if we aproched everyone with this additude! I mean look at Christ,how he lived did he say I would never be like you?Or caught with the likes of you?Look at the saying, remove the log from your own eye before you try to take the speck from your brothers eye.Notice how you have the log in your eye but you brother has the speck in his eye?Really look at this for a moment...... (Really What Is JESUS Saying?) Is it just possible that maybe just maybe he's saying be honest with your self,self exmine your selfs daily,don't judge your brothers and sisters but rather listen to each other you might be surprised on how one conversation can get your brother to begin to notice his own speck and begin to self examine him self. With out making it larger, with resentment or getting a wound thats diffiacult to heal,be carefull with your words as those wounds can turn into cancer eating and covering the whole heart and possibly destroy one of Gods building blocks you are then resonsible for the murder of this person. A spritaul murder is worse then a phsycal murder. I just want so badly to under stand the people and Gods kingdom.That I must look for the exact truth! There is nothing like living for JESUS it changes every thing!!!!!!!!So lets start looking at each other a little differently from now on,maybe I'm wrong but like I said this is an observation that I have seen or interpeted it just as such..you be the judge.Or not?                                                               

I have learned so much,I even learned that some times we get a really good freind out of the deal like some one you can talk to and trust! It is a great gift even if it was short lived,some times the one's we felt would be the answer we are looking for.Being able to share you thoughts heart and pain was incredible journey,but I soon put that all way.As the world will continue to disapoint you over and over, just validates Jesus is the only one that can fill this place.But yet again he doesn't want you all alone.It is hard to find a freind like that expecially when you are an obsever a person who listens but hardly shares.It seems every one knows me a bit differently some might say she's the life of the party or I have been called quite and reserved (not very often) But most of all some seem to seek me when they are in need when there hearts are weighed down on the brink of destruction at times.I take the time needed to help them heal whether it be a late night call or a vist to my work,I try to acomidate my time for them.They look at me as if I hadn't a problem in the world ,That wasn't there fault as I let them beleive that by never giving them my entire story...There are but very few who know the depths of my heart but even those people don't have total understanding of my hearts contents,I don't think theres a pitcher large enough to begin to hold the tears that I have cryed alone at night.You might be asking your self what does this have to do with Jesus?(right) Well take a good look at my story and you might just see your self alitte bit,Maybe you have trusted over and over but you allways got let down,back stabed by your so called freinds.Or maybe there might be a little pride in the way...who me?? crying? no! Or we might say "Oh this? dont worrie I got it handled,but thanks anyway if I need your help I'll let you know Thanks."(How about now can you see some of your self now?)Ok back To Jesus He doesn't want us alone!!!! I know that,but look at my story,what is it that hasnt been done yet,for a solution.This acutally all resorts to Love , Trust and faith!!!! I always tened to worship and talk to God every day alone a sacluded just the way I liked it,but that is not how he intened us to be I'm not saying we are supposed to woship in crowds or share evey inkling of detail of our life's but we can't grow if we dont go out ward with the heart Christ gave us.I'm not even telling I'm doing this! I'm still getting passed my self.Not easy when some times it's the safest place to be.Some of you know exactly what I'm talking about Christian or not,The world has judged us and belittled us our whole lifes,I'm here to tell you and myself "GET OUT OF YOUR SELF AND LIVE!!" JESUS CAN DO SO MUCH IF WE COULD JUST LET GO,LET JESUS BE OUR SAFE PLACE AND NOT INPRISONED WITHIN IN OUR SELFS,It is a lot easyer to say this then to do this,beleive me!!! I'm still working onit.I'm compelled to wright this just the way it comes out to let other people know that not all Christians are judgemental or a freak we go through much like the rest of the world .So if you think you have to be good or near perfect to be with Christ Jesus you are wrong dead wrong He came for the sinners not the holy or righteous!! Do ever hear that little voice or the erge in your heart THERES GOT BE MORE TO LIFE THEN THIS!! WELL THATS JESUS KNOCKING AT YOUR HEART SAYING HERE I AM JUST OPEN YOUR HEART SO THAT I MAY COME IN! You know some thing? it truley is amazing after you relize you need and want Jesus in your life there is nothing like it! JUST KNOWING HES RIGHT THERE ALL THE TIME ANY TIME YOU NEED HIM!!!!!

http://www.biblegateway.com/

MATTHEW 9:27-29 (New American Standard Bible)

(Take a Good look at this!! It shall be done according to your faith)If only we all had this kinda of faith

27As Jesus went on from there, two blind men followed Him, crying out, "Have mercy on us, ^(AF)Son of David!"

 28When He entered the house, the blind men came up to Him, and Jesus said to them, "Do you believe that I am able to do this?" They said to Him, "Yes, Lord."

 29Then He touched their eyes, saying, "It shall be done to you ^(AG)according to your faith."